Bigger Shoes

My structure is clean
I call it “fuck your expectations” clean
I purposefully destroyed my perfectly applied lipstick
Realized that maybe it’s Maybelline that convinced me that my natural cupids bow is just not peaked enough
My lips not pouty enough
My teeth not bright enough
Unless they are encased, surrounded or accented by Red Revival or Lavender Voltage
Or maybe not
Maybe it’s the fact that my words get lost when I am reduced to a picture of full glossy lips
Stare worthy tops and bottoms that cause your ears to turn off
Just one more pretty bitch
Creating a glitch in the system of educated conversation

I intentionally demolished the artfully blended eye shadow
Embraced after hundreds of YouTube videos
Black girls drawing feline-esque accents
Creating upturned corners
“chinky eyes” in Nubian skin
Calculated exoticism
Removed the fluttering lashes
Oprah wears mink, so must I
Stopped enhancing my big brown eyes with bright pigments
Ceased to be aware of and stopped using my angles
When I realized my MAC is inviting you to mac
Causing you to miss the sincerity behind my statements
The depth of passion visually conveyed lost to cosmetic effect
Just one more bad bitch
Creating an error in the syntax

Removed the skinny jeans
The accent to the full bottom
That made you lose your True Religion
Trust me even the strong willed can get lost
RiRi’d and Minaj’d into a mirage of who I should be
Losing who I am
Did you hear me?
My eyes are up here
My lips are moving
Get your narrow mind off my narrow waist
My verbal is knocking on your thick skull
Your mental is concentrated on knocking off these thick thighs
Who’s at fault?
Never mind placing blame
I don’t want to be
The flyest chick
Creating a fly in the ointment

I kicked off those heels hours ago
Your expectations
My imprint
Your lust
My legacy
Real Louboutins Fake Jimmy Choos
All that I know is
I have bigger shoes
to fill

© 2014 Stephanie Bryant 

Catching Up

credit to depsycho at Deviant Art (chained heart)

I’d like to be chased

by the one

know what it feels like

to be caught

captured

engulfed in the madness

that is love.

I’d like to be pursued

relentlessly

bounty hunter

price tag on my ass

worth the exhaustion

chased.

I’d like to be ensnared

tangled

breathless in my attempt to escape

resigned to stay

trapped.

I’d like to be enslaved

shackled

willingly committed

to unwilling moments

imprisoned.

By love

Limits Less

I knew that he was it
My infinite moment
It was simple
The finite occasions were gone in his presence
We didn’t know them
Happiness
Laughter
Tears
Joys
Emotions that ran into one another

He reached back and grasped my hand
I was sure and reassured
Fingers intertwined, matching pulses
He was my most
My most
Significant earthly connection
Intimate identification with carnal love
Solid grasp on this delicate spiritual universe
Compelling reason to inhale life and exhale hurt

So many reasons to be
In Love
Unencumbered
Impassioned
I live them with him
The most

(Written to: River Flows In You by Yiruma)

© Stephanie Bryant and Mental Motivation, 2010-2013.

Image

Anniversary

Isn’t it funny
the things that seem so easy
you do them because you want to

we almost made it because we tried

Isn’t it sad
the chances we refuse to take
boulders we place in otherwise clear paths

tragedy happened when we stopped trying

effort ceases
time drags
clocks strike
the sands run out

we almost made it

Go Figure

They matter
Overanalyze
Undervalue
Think too much

They tumble over actions
slide over tongues
wash down throats
stab hearts

They matter
Overreact
Dramatic

They partner with or override behaviors
unfold arms only to build barriers
taller than the empire state
great wall impenetrable

They matter
yeah right
sure
that’s you not me

words
they matter

(credit to winextra.com)

(photo credit to winextra.com)

Packing Up

I was packing
Performing all of the customary actions necessary when moving
Shuffling boxes and separating items
Stuffing suitcases
Stuffing suitcases
He noticed

I struggled with the zipper
Pulling forward and forcing backward
Pressing and pushing
I sat on the bag, pressing my weight down
pressing my weight down
He smiled at my theatrics

Standing, exasperated
I contemplated my situation
Could I remove the items?
Starting from scratch would be time-consuming
I didn’t know what I could afford to leave behind
What could I leave behind?
He moved toward me

My hands gripped the resistant zipper
I could risk leaving the bags partially unzipped
The risk would be embarrassment
Items better left hidden slipping out for all to see
I shook my head knowing this wasn’t an option
this wasn’t an option
He grabbed my hands

I felt his warmth as he guided my hands
We opened the suitcase
like a jack in the box wound tightly the covered items spilled out
He grabbed them and cast them aside one by one
“You don’t need these where we’re going”
“Leave the unnecessary behind”

I gasped at his suggestion
I would risk being naked
bared to the world
uncomfortable
I protested
resisted
He smiled

I felt like a silly girl
He seemed so worldly
What did he know that I didn’t?
Where was this utopia?
I doubted
He reassured me

I looked down at the scattered cargo
Things he suggested I leave behind
Anger, hurt, discomfort and discontent
cast aside by his simple gesture
Unhappiness sat piled on top of resentment
Regret heaped on past experience
What had he left me?

I glanced in the suitcase
what would I wear in this new place
how would I be protected?
It would just be me
unburdened yes but raw
“What have you left me?”
He pointed

This bag seemed foreign to me
I felt I would miss the things I had carried for years
neatly folded was
comfort and security
wrapped in a blanket of nurture
and love took up the center of the suitcase
love was there
nothing more

How easily it closed
It was lightly carried
He picked it up
and wrapped me in his arms
I needed nothing more
and had no concerns
where I was going
there would be
love

The lyrics

The lyrics were so sweet
They seemed to coat my tongue with honey
I swore the music would die without him
Until I realized that I have love

The words didn’t flow from pens
Ink dried before it ever reached page
Keystrokes shortened…delete backspace end
I swore the book would never be written
Manuscripts would burn without him
Until I realized that I have love

Spoken words became unshared thoughts
I st-st-stuttered
Mumbled….”hey bitch,  cat got your tongue?”
“No, love broke my spirit”, for a minute
I let him render me speechless
Begged for my former eloquence
Got it back when I realized that I have love

Words and thoughts had less value
without him
But I have love
I am love
I was love before him
I will be love when he has gone
And I will make love with my words again

“Who would like to hear me speak? “