When it all started we were both looking for that thing…escapism. Him from the reality of life without passion and me from love starvation. I wanted to feel it. That thing. That massive thing. I wanted it. I just didn’t know it, which is how I fell.
We mutually felt it. The ease. For lack of better terms it was “warm socks” comfortable. You know, slip your feet in and immediately replace the bitter chill. I think we both wanted it. Easy.
Time passed and the passion was there but, like most things in life, easy was replaced with circumstance brought on by drama. Even the most relaxed of individuals have drama, they just choose to ignore it. In this case, drama couldn’t be ignored because of other parties, yes, but even more so because of us. We had big personalities. We were drama. He would say I am. I would agree and know that he was a guilty party as well.
Things are stilted. She (the outside party who was inside) predicted it would be. Things are disjointed but not for the reason that many would believe. We should be together but can’t because we don’t want to acknowledge the truth. We aren’t meant to be easy. We are supposed to be a roller coaster not a ferris wheel. We’re the bumps and dings of city streets, not the smooth path of country roads. Our shit requires maintenance, it will never, just be.
I thought it could be easy and then it was put in words that even I, a self proclaimed poetess, could not form. Who knew some television writer could so clearly express what I already knew? He might not be willing to admit it and my understanding of it may be the end of us, but at least I have found my truth. It’s not going to be easy because it’s not meant to be. Nothing about us is. We are made for tough paths. We are hard fighters and thankfully, even harder lovers. We’re heavy metal rifts but underneath it all there’s a bluesy Anita Baker crooning us through the moment, willing us to come forward. Our intellect is borne with swords not feather plumed pens. This shit ain’t meant to be easy. You have to decide if you’re built for this life.
If only I spoke these words as well as I write them, we could be easier.
“I don’t know, I think, you’re either born simple or your born….me”–Christina Yang (Susan Oh), Greys Anatomy.
No television character has ever spoken words more applicable to my life than the externally stalwart yet internally broken, Christina Yang.
The one thing that I have always noticed about myself is that complexity seems to be what I’m good at. It’s my “thing”. While other girls do a dusting of powder and gloss, I’m coordinated eye shadow and geisha lips. I was going to type that I’d like to be a neutral gloss but I’d be lying, I’m more of a vibrant Givenchy red.
I say all of this to point out that some people are meant to be simple while others will dangle on the precipice of supposed confusion that is complexity. Complex individuals will be quite happy with themselves while you may often question “how they can be” or “why they are that way”. Plain and simple (pardon the reference), they just can and they are.
The great thing about a complex individual is that this trait is often associated with a healthy dose of self-awareness and acceptance. Rarely will they question why you are so simple, they just accept it as you. While far simpler acquaintances may decry 2 hour preparation for a quick trip to the store or inability to listen to talk radio without talking back, the compound will find a reason to love who you are, “just because”.
I like to apply a philanthropic perspective to my complexity. Any change in that, which I am, would be a reduction. Too great of an alteration of my “ness” would deny others the full benefit of having me in their lives. I wouldn’t expect anything less from those that I love; therefore, I don’t shortchange them.
For all of my complex compadres, I offer a few bullet points to happiness:
Continue to “be you”.
Make no excuses and stop wasting time in a futile quest for a simplistic approach to life.
Remember that the things that are supposed to be simple will be, regardless of how you handle them. And finally,
Love your flair for the complex and surround yourself with those that have a knack for the simple. It could be a dynamic pairing while still allowing you to just….be you.
(All comments or letters regarding the complexity of this article can be directed to the very busy composer who will be glad to send an equally complex response)