Trialbulations

credit to buenasmaritana.deviantart.com

I forgot the truth of the matter
The feeling of reality
Until I remembered
What he said and how I heard it
“I can’t give you what you need”
Hmmm…

Do I come at him, firing on all cylinders?
Guns blazing with motherfuckers and bullshits
No, that just wouldn’t be right
I respect his gangster way too much for that
Could never attempt to snip his manhood with caustic words
Not when I knew the truth

This was a trialbulation
A trial so big it seemed relationship altering
The rising of spirits wrapping us in heavy cloaks
And he, was a man
A stranger to problems he couldn’t fix
Or the ones that he knew he was creating

No “fuck you” or “who the hell do you think you are” was necessary
I loved him and knew his caramel skin with eyes to match could draw me in
So why pretend?

He believed there was finality in his statement
I knew that he would never find a new beginning
This was no ego trip
Purely the truth borne of his consequence
I wanted to save him, keep him from becoming someones scrap metal
But how?

How do you explain the profundity of loss to someone who knows it all?
Who doesn’t realize what they are losing
Do I tell him that “we had orgasms for a minute but only I could make him come for a lifetime
He’s a man, too in the moment to realize that….yet
And I was a woman, still his woman, not too proud to agree that he did that for me

If he’s crazy he’ll attempt it…
Searching for warmth between a pair of nameless thighs
Sure to find it
Yes, the groupies will be present
They will mew and meow
Purr over his greatness temporarily
I would magnify it

Someone will come
She won’t be me…she’ll always be just someone
He will know that but attempt to recreate it
They will attend temple together
None will compare to the one we built
It will be Godless

Simple movie theater moments will be incomplete
They won’t end with mind numbing cranial moments
That head in the front seat of your ride
Nigga please, who know’s your lingam like me?

You’ll run your hand down her back
That dip you remember will be no more
The softness below will seem artificial
I am the last truth you will ever know

He came at me on some new school bull”ish”
Didn’t I select your ass because you were prime?
Put that little boy shit away and recognize that you were papi to my mami
Shit happens and Fab still comes for Em
Likewise, you can’t escape the essence of me

Can’t you see
I crowned you
Promoted the truth of your Kingliness
Reminded you to believe
That’s what this good love can do

“I can’t be what you need right now”
He wants to ignore the power
You’ve always been just who you are-imperfect but mine
I know how to get what I need from that
Learn to appreciate that
Or live to regret where you land

Trialbulations

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