When it all started we were both looking for that thing…escapism. Him from the reality of life without passion and me from love starvation. I wanted to feel it. That thing. That massive thing. I wanted it. I just didn’t know it, which is how I fell.
We mutually felt it. The ease. For lack of better terms it was “warm socks” comfortable. You know, slip your feet in and immediately replace the bitter chill. I think we both wanted it. Easy.
Time passed and the passion was there but, like most things in life, easy was replaced with circumstance brought on by drama. Even the most relaxed of individuals have drama, they just choose to ignore it. In this case, drama couldn’t be ignored because of other parties, yes, but even more so because of us. We had big personalities. We were drama. He would say I am. I would agree and know that he was a guilty party as well.
Things are stilted. She (the outside party who was inside) predicted it would be. Things are disjointed but not for the reason that many would believe. We should be together but can’t because we don’t want to acknowledge the truth. We aren’t meant to be easy. We are supposed to be a roller coaster not a ferris wheel. We’re the bumps and dings of city streets, not the smooth path of country roads. Our shit requires maintenance, it will never, just be.
I thought it could be easy and then it was put in words that even I, a self proclaimed poetess, could not form. Who knew some television writer could so clearly express what I already knew? He might not be willing to admit it and my understanding of it may be the end of us, but at least I have found my truth. It’s not going to be easy because it’s not meant to be. Nothing about us is. We are made for tough paths. We are hard fighters and thankfully, even harder lovers. We’re heavy metal rifts but underneath it all there’s a bluesy Anita Baker crooning us through the moment, willing us to come forward. Our intellect is borne with swords not feather plumed pens. This shit ain’t meant to be easy. You have to decide if you’re built for this life.
If only I spoke these words as well as I write them, we could be easier.