Where to Begin (or mothers day)

I struggle with where to begin
because I am afraid to acknowledge the end

I struggle with where to begin
With remembering who you were
Because I know you had no clue
about who you were meant to be

I struggle with where to begin
Because the end was not painless
And time is not the healer of wounds that they promised it would be.

I struggle with where to begin
With the knowledge that you were not infinite
Because I refuse to recall the day that you demonstrated the finite.

I struggle with where to begin
Because you were made my keeper
But refused to keep me

I struggle with where to begin
With the “you are just like”
and the “your ________ used to do that”
because I have no clue what you were like or how u used to do anything

I struggle with where to begin
Because that would require quantifying without the variables
How much did you have to love me for this beginning to occur?
How much did you have to hurt in the end?
How…..far…..did…..you….run….to escape?

I struggle with the vast lack of knowledge
The knowledge so small associated with pain so great

While I struggle with where to begin
I fight
I grow
I keep
I conquer

I struggle with where to begin
I struggle with where to
I struggle with where
I struggle with

I struggle

© 2009 Breeze
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